Crazy life

Being a mother in Switzerland means doing all, and all means all: working 100 percent, looking after my two boys, taking care of the household, and above all trying to have a relationship with a man.

But let’s not talk about the fourth thing! This is another story. Let’s talk about the three other things which are in total already much too much.

I’m not complaining, not at all, because I wanted it this way. I certainly wanted to be a workingwoman and wanted to have kids. But nobody asked me whether I wanted to clean floors, change beds, wash cloths, fix lights, heating, shower nozzles, toilet boxes and so on and on.

I’d rather sit and write than arguing with youngsters about their consummation of computers and smartphones games or telling them twenty times to feed their pets, etc. But I’m not complaining, because I wanted to be divorced and educate my kids according to my style.

So, what’s the point, you may be asking? The point is that I cannot fill well all these roles because it would be a 300 percent job. And it’s pretty hard to confess that I’m not a perfect workingwoman, nor a good mother and at least a busy housewife. I’m constantly facing insufficiency.

And in order not to drive mad, I have to eliminate certain roles at certain times. Some days, I laugh at my kitchen disorder. Some days, I let the boys go on a long leash. Some days, I feel like writing and not working for money. And some days, I don’t know what should come first…

Can you follow me?

 

No time for homework

Cat Loulou_www.esthersviewpoint.com

 
 
It is our new baby: three months old, silky coat and not shy at all. Loulou tells our two other cats who is the boss in this house. Hissing und growling like a big old cat, this tiny thing already knows how to make upset the others.

The cat is the late birthday present for nine-year-old Little Boy, and he is the new mother of this creature. He takes his role very seriously. I found him yesterday sitting in his room with his cat, reading with his softest voice little stories to his four-legged friend and looking at me proudly like a mother with her baby.

This morning, Little Boy first complained when I woke him up with his cat. “Loulou crawled under my duvet tonight and bit me in my big toe”, he told me and asked, “do you know how much painful this was?” I understood very well. Although, he had been warned of these kinds of coincidences by the former cat mother.

But Little Boys’ dedication to Loulou is still unbroken. He didn’t have time to do his homework after school because it wanted to play with him and he found it an excellent idea.

Well, we’ll be talking soon to the cat in order to get some free minutes for homework.

 
 

Alive

 

Boy jumping_www.esthersviewpoint.com

 

 

My boys are teaching me – among a lot of things – one important thing: being open.

Being open for new experiences, new people, new places, new tastes, new colors, new feelings.

For example, I’ve never dreamt of going fishing, cleaning fishes and cooking them. And when you open our fridge right now, you find living mealworms. Thanks, Big Boy.

Or I didn’t have any experience in my childhood with playing with legos. But it feels satisfying lying on the floor of the living-room and putting together a VW bus of at least 10’000 pieces.

Or I wasn’t the typical game player when I was younger. But now I’m spending hours by playing Uno or Rummikub with Little Boy.

Being open isn’t an easy thing to do. But it gives me much more in return. And there will be more experiences in the future I’ve never dreamt of. I’m sure and open.

 

 

Calling mom: Scene 2

Boys in vacation_www.esthersviewpoint.com

5.45 p.m. in a restaurant in Venice with their father

 
Big boy:         “Hi mom, how are you?”

Me:                 “Fine. Thanks. How about you?”

Big boy:         “Fine. Mom, can you give me the permission for some apps. I want to play some games on my iPod?”

Me:                 “Hmmm… you want to play…”

Big boy:         “You know: I need to download these games.”

Me:                 “Hmmm… where are you at the moment?”

Big boy:         “In a restaurant. Do you give me the permission?”

Me:                 “Hmmm… How is the hotel in Venice?”

Big boy:         “It’s okay. Mom, will you do it now?”

Me:                 “Hmmm…”

Big boy:         “If you do it now, I’ll call you again tonight.”

Me:                 “Hmmm… Can I talk to your brother?”

Big boy:         “Okay…”

Little boy:     “Hi mom. How are you?”

Me:                 “Fine and you?”

Little boy:     “Okay. Mom, you have to give the permission to B.”

Me:                 “Hmmm… and if I don’t want?”

Little boy:     “I pass you again B.”

Big boy:         “Yes or no?”

Me:                 “No.”

Big boy:         “You are so mean, mom! I’ll hang up…”

 

P.S. Thanks to the father for the picture.

Switch for silence

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Sitting at the lake and trying to bring calm into my body.

No way. Head is working.

Where is the switch?

Thinking of the yoga teacher and remembering a yoga posture.

Body in quiet pose, head trying to concentrate on the breathing.

Head rotating. Not finding the switch for the breathing.

Giving up. Feeling the bad weather in my head, looking at the lake and accepting that total silence isn’t possible at the moment.

Never mind. Will be trying another time.

Conversation between brothers: Scene 14

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8.35 p.m. during summer vacation

Little boy:      “If I have to watch your film, I want to play with your legos.”

Big boy:         “I don’t want to watch again your ‘Baymax’.”

Little boy:      “But I don’t want to watch ‘Wasabi’.”

Big boy:         “Why don’t you want to watch it?”

Little boy:      “I prefer ‘Baymax’.”

Big boy:         “So, I won’t let you play with my legos.”

Little boy:      “But you told me this morning…”

Big boy:         “I changed my mind.”

Little boy:      “You’re so mean.”

Big boy:         “Well, let’s watch my film and you’ll get my legos.”

Little boy:      “I don’t’ like this film.”

Big boy:         “I don’t like yours…”

Little boy:      “Okay…”

Big boy:         “Do you want to watch now?”

Little boy:      “But will you give me your legos?”

Big boy:         “We’ll see…”

Little boy:      “You’re never keeping your word… ”

Big boy:         “What are you blabbering?”

Little boy:      “Okay… I don’t want to watch your film.”

Big boy:         “You’re again ruining the good mood…!”

Conversation between brothers: Scene 13

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12.45 a.m. first day of summer vacation

Little boy:     “Where is my coffee?”

Big boy:         “What…?”

Little boy:     “You promised me a cold coffee.”

Big boy:         “I beg you pardon.”

Little boy:     “Don’t you remember?”

Big boy:         “What…?”

Little boy:     “For sure. We made a bet and I was right.”

Big boy:         “What? A bet?”

Little boy:     “We were looking for the right name of a film.”

Big boy:         “Okay. Right! I owe you a cold coffee.”

Little boy:     “I want it now…!”

Big boy:         “I can make you one now.”

Little boy:     “But, I want a cold one from the shop.”

Big boy:         “I don’t want to spend money.”

Little boy:     “But you promised me.”

Big boy:         “I’m always short of money…!”

Little boy:     “But, you lost our bet.”

Big boy:         “Hey… you cannot ask me when I’ve so little money…”

Little boy:     “This isn’t my problem…”

Big boy:         “Come on. Don’t be so mean.”

Little boy:     “So… when do I get my coffee…?”
 
 

Letter to my father

Father_www.esthersviewpoint.com

 

I know you must have felt rather powerless in many situations in your life. Otherwise you wouldn’t have made me feel so helpless talking to you.

You knew everything better than me. You did everything better than me. I didn’t have any chance to do something well.

I felt so worthless when I didn’t understand the math homework and you spent hours to explain to me everything starting with the basics. As a math professor you felt yourself so helpless because your daughter couldn’t calculate the easy things like 1 plus 1.

Years later, when I wanted to move out because I couldn’t stand any more our daily discussions, you were so upset. I was scared to discover so much anger in your face.

A few more years later, my very first article was published in a big Swiss newspaper. You were asked by my boy friend why you didn’t congratulate me. You answered: “Everybody can write an article. This isn’t such a big thing”.

Yes, father, you realized much more important things in life. But one thing wasn’t your thing: To make feel someone confortable in your company. And I suppose I know why. You never felt at ease with yourself. And I feel sorry for you… and for me, too.

 

 

Childhood memories

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While a lot of friends of mine spent their summer vacation on the seaside, my father decided that hiking in the Swiss mountains was the best thing to do with his family.

My brother and me tried to have fun with our father’s hobby. But we were very often “like a cat and a mouse” as my mother used to say.

Being a mother myself, it isn’t surprising to me.

Hanging around with children of the same age is much more interesting than carrying a backpack for a week with always the same menu, dry bread, jerky, dry apples, dry apricots and water.

And the highlight of the week was a liter of apple juice divided by four at the restaurant.

I think our dog did enjoy this much more than me.
 
 

Careless

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It has been a lake, an evening and a warm summer night.

My boys and me enjoyed this moment.

We three felt secure, fearless and careless.

There were just a few birds talking before going to sleep.

And us three looking at the twilight sky.

The picture records the moment and my feelings.

Fortunately, we’ve got pictures to remember what we easily forget.

 
 

Conversation between brothers: Scene 10

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7.20 p.m. in the car after shopping

 

Little boy:     “…you still owe me a new gun.”

Big boy:         “It wasn’t my fault that it’s broken.”

Little boy:     “Who’s fault is it then?”

Big boy:         “I don’t’ have any money.”

Little boy:     “Why…?”

Big boy:         “I already owe Dad 50 Swiss francs.”

Little boy:     “But I don’t want to wait.”

Big boy:         “But you know I have debts.”

Little boy:     “This isn’t my problem.”

Big boy:         “You’re so mean.”

Little boy:     “What?”

Big boy:         “You’re pushing me.”

Little boy:     “I just want a replacement for my gun.”

Big boy:         “You’re making me feel so bad.”

Little boy:     “Why?”

Big boy:         “It’s not fun being in debt.”

Little boy:     “Well, this isn’t my problem.”

Big boy:         “You’re so mean.”

Little boy:     “Why?”

Big boy:         “You don’t know how it feels for me.”

Little boy:     “Yes, because I’m not always spending all my money.”

 

 

Conversation between brothers: Scene 9

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7.37 a.m. before leaving for school

Big boy:         “Can I borrow your headphones again?”

Little boy:     “Why don’t you take yours?”

Big boy:         “They’re broken. Can I?”

Little boy:     “No, I don’t give them.”

Big boy:         “Oh, come on!”

Little boy:     “You’re always breaking my things.”

Big boy:         “No, this isn’t true.”

Little boy:     “I remember very well.”

Big boy:         “Come on, just for today.”

Little boy:     “Buy you new headphones.”

Big boy:         “I can’t. School is starting soon.”

Little boy:     “Well, this isn’t my problem.”

Big boy:         “But you don’t need yours today!”

Little boy:     “No, but I don’t want to lend.”

Big boy:         “Oh, you’re such a coward.”

Little boy:     “And you’re always insulting me…”

Big boy:         “Yes, because you’re deserving it.”

Little boy:     “Stop now…”

Big boy:         “You’re such a snob.”

Little boy:     “Mom, he’s insulting me again.”

Big boy:         “Oh dear! …mama’s boy!”

Conversation between brothers: Scene 8

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17.46 p.m. on the cycle ride under the rain

Little boy:     “I’ll take a bath when we’re back home.”

Big boy:         “Oh, good idea!”

Little boy:     “But I want to be alone in the tub.”

Big boy:         “Oh, no!”

Little boy:     “I like to chill and relax.”

Big boy:         “Okay, no problem with me!”

Little boy:     “But you’re always disturbing me.”

Big boy:         “Come on…”

Little boy:     “Mm…”

Big boy:         “I want to chill too.”

Little boy:     “But we don’t have enough space.”

Big boy:         “Come on. Let’s try once more.”

Little boy:     “You always want to do the same things as me!”

Big boy:         “No. This isn’t true.”

Little boy:     “But it is…”

Big boy:         “It’ll feel great in the tub after this rain.”

Little boy:     “Sure. But you can take your bath after me.”

Big boy:         “But we could chill together!”

Little boy:     “Mm…”

Big boy:         “Okay?”

Little boy:     “Oh… okay!”

Big boy:         “Thank you… little brother!”

Conversation between brothers: Scene 7

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7.05 p.m. in the kitchen

Big boy:         “Good morning, my sweet little brother.”

Little boy:     “Mm…”

Big boy:         “Come to me, I’d like to give you a kiss.”

Little boy:     “What’s going on?”

Big boy:         “Why?”

Little boy:     “You’re never in such a good mood.”

Big boy:         “Aren’t you happy when I’m like this?”

Little boy:     “It’s totally unusual.”

Big boy:         “So what?”

Little boy:     “I cannot believe it.”

Big boy:         “Well…”

Little boy:     “You seem so artificial.”

Big boy:         “And…?”

Little boy:     “What’s the reason for your good mood?”

Big boy:         “I feel great today.”

Little boy:     “Just like this?”

Big boy:         “I’m looking forward to my school night walk.”

Little boy:     “Aha…”

Big boy:         “Aren’t you happy with me?”

Little boy:     “You should be going on a night walk every day.”

Big boy:         “Why?”

Little boy:     “I’d be so much more comfortable with you…”

Conversation between brothers: Scene 6

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5.15 p.m. on a Saturday

Big boy:         “I’m bored. Let’s do something.”

Little boy:     “I’m busy now. I’m playing with my Legos?”

Big boy:         “Can I play with you?”

Little boy:     “No, you’re always disturbing me.”

Big boy:         “Come on. I want to play with you.”

Little boy:     “Don’t touch my Legos.”

Big boy:         “Don’t be so mean.”

Little boy:     “I’m so happy on my own.”

Big boy:         “Please, give me a chance.”

Little boy:     “Oh, no…”

Big boy:         “I always let you play with me.”

Little boy:     “No, that’s not true.”

Big boy:         “You’re lying.”

Little boy:     “Give me a break.”

Big boy:         “Come on, one chance.”

Little boy:     “Okay.”

Big boy:         “Okay, we should build this in a different way.”

Little boy:     “You’re not the boss.”

Big boy:         “But I want to help you.”

Little boy:     “I don’t need your help.”

Big boy:         “You’re such a fool.”

Little boy:     “Mom, my brother calls me a fool…”

Conversation between brothers: Scene 5

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7.31 p.m. at the breakfast table:

Big boy:         “Who is your best friend at school?”
Little boy:     “I don’t have one, I have several?”

Big boy:         “But if you have to choose one?”

Little boy:     “Oh, this is difficult. I like many.”

Big boy:         “Come on. If you have to choose right now!”

Little boy:     “Oh, you ask difficult questions…”

Big boy:         “It isn’t difficult at all.”

Little boy:     “I’m different than you.”

Big boy:         “But do you have friends?”

Little boy:     “Sure. I told you.”

Big boy:         “So, can you name just one.”

Little boy:     “I like them all.”

Big boy:         “If you have to invite one.”

Little boy:     “I wouldn’t know.”

Big boy:         “Come on.”

Little boy:     “Okay. Maybe L…”

Big boy:         “Aha…”

Little boy:     “Or M…”

Big boy:         “You cannot make any decision.”

Little boy:     “How about you?”

Big boy:         “I know. It’s definitely A…”

Little boy:     “Okay. I knew… and you’re so snobbish.”

Conversation between brothers: Scene 3

Boys daily life 3_www.esthersviewpoint.com

Bathroom at 17.31 p.m.

Little boy:      “Hey, you put on my grey track pants.”

Big boy:          “No, this isn’t true.”

Little boy:      “I am sure they are mine.”

Big boy:          “Come on. You don’t know yours.”

Little boy:      “I am sure I always put them at the same place.”

Big boy:          “No, no…”

Little boy:      “Take them off. Now.”

Big boy:          “That’s what you want.”

Little boy:      “Yes, right now.”

Big boy:          “They are mine.”

Little boy:      “I am sure you put your pants somewhere else.”

Big boy:          “No, no…”

Little boy:      “Take off my track pants!”

Big boy:          “Tell me where are mine?”

Little boy:      “You are such a messy.”

Big boy:          “Don’t blame me.”

Little boy:      “You might have put them in your room.”

Big boy:          “Okay, show me.”

Little boy:      “I’m not that stupid to look for your things.”

Big boy:          “Well, then I keep your pants. Okay?”

Little boy:      “No. You’re so mean.”

Big boy:          “If you want your pants, you’ve to get them.”

Little boy goes to big boys’ room, gets his pants and comes back.

Big boy:          “Don’t throw them at me.”

Little boy:      “These are your pants and this is the last time.”

Big boy:          “Okay. Okay. Professor. You’re so smart.”

Little boy:      “Mom. He is so mean to me.”

Big boy:          “Ha, ha… you’re such a sneak.”

Mother:          “Stoppppppp!”

 

 

Rare species

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Sunday afternoon in the South Indian zoo of Trivandrum: there are hundreds of Indian families with their children and two Swiss boys with their mother.

We want to have a look at the lions, crocodiles, zebras, monkeys and their friends. All the local people have the same purpose.

But, as soon as they discover the two blond boys, the zoo animals completely lose their interest.

“Can we take a picture, please”, they keep on asking.

“Oh, I am glad”, says my small boy at the end of our visit, “that we won’t live in India all the time. It slightly gets on my nerves to pose and smile every five minutes.”

 

 

Different stories

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It was last year in Mysore in India. First, we were two Swiss ladies having a rest in the huge park of the Palace. Then, two Indian ladies asked us if we mind being taken with them in one picture. Then, we were four ladies smiling, half Indian, half Swiss. Then, all their Indian girlfriends joined us. Finally, we were 21 women standing in front of this old tree.

Image the same story in Switzerland: there are two Indian ladies sitting in front of the beautiful scenery of Lake of Zurich. Two Swiss ladies pass by and ask for a picture with the two Indian ladies. At the end, there are 19 Swiss ladies surrounding the two Indian ladies. But the story does not work this way around because of the different mentalities. I’d like I had sometimes a little bit more of this getting together spirit.