Conversation between brothers: Scene 16

Conversation between brothers 16_www.esthersviewpoint.com

3.30 p.m. on a free Wednesday afternoon

Big boy:         “You’re not fat at all.”

Little boy:      “Look at my belly on the picture.”

Big boy:         “No, look here at my belly.”

Little boy:      “You haven’t got a belly at all.”

Big boy:         “But, if I press it between my fingers. It looks the same.”

Little boy:      “I won’t eat any more.”

Big boy:         “Come on. Eat your mars.”

Little boy:      “No, I won’t. And I won’t eat any more.”

Big boy:         “It’s how mom took the picture. Your belly is not fat.”

Little boy:      “It is…!”

Big boy:         “Don’t feel bad.”

Little boy:      “I feel bad…!”

Big boy:         “Look at you. You’re perfect.”

Little boy:      “I’m not.”

Big boy:         “Don’t say that…”

Little boy:      “Hmm…”

Big boy:         “Mom, tell him please…!”

Mom:              “It’s all my fault. You’re not fat at all.”

Mom:              “I didn’t take a good picture.”

Big boy:         “You see… my dear brother…!”

 

 

 

 

Conversation between brothers: Scene 11

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7.15 a.m. in the living-room before school

Big boy:         “Why are you crying?”

Little boy:     “I didn’t do my housework…”

Big boy:         “But is this so bad?”

Little boy:     “I’ll get a red point as punishment.”

Big boy:         “Well…that’s not this bad.”

Little boy:     “I’ve already one red point…”

Big boy:         “Well… I already did so many extra exercises.”

Little boy:     “But I didn’t. For me it’s bad.”

Big boy:         “Come on. You will survive…”

Little boy:     “No… I don’t want to go to school.”

Big boy:         “Tell your teacher you didn’t have time yesterday.”

Little boy:     “But I got this homework a week ago.”

Big boy:         “Okay… then you have to put up with a red point.”

Little boy:     “…and I didn’t learn my dictation.”

Big boy:         “Well… Shall I tell you how I do?”

                       “Every free minute, during the break or

whenever I’ve to wait for something,

I look at the sentences.

And I try to memorize them.”

Little boy:     “But I didn’t copy it at all.”

Big boy:         “You’ve got still half hour before school starts.”

Little boy:     “Oh…. (still sobbing).”

Big boy:         “Come on. You’ll manage this.”

Little boy:     “Okay… (starts writing).”

Big boy:         “You see… it’s not that bad…!”
 
 

Being two

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Having feelings.

Feeling loved.

But there is no space to be.

There is no space for love.

Feeling squeezed.
 

What stays are memories.

Memories of being in one world.

Having one future.

Being meant for each other.

Being one by two.

 

Conversation between brothers: Scene 4

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Dinner table at 18.31 p.m.

Big boy:         “Which movie shall we watch tonight?”

Little boy:     “Do you think Mom will allow us this?”

Big boy:         “Sure. She already agreed.”

Little boy:     “I didn’t hear it.”

Big boy:         “She will certainly say yes. I know.”

Little boy:     “Last week-end she said: no movies anymore.”

Big boy:         “Come on. She was angry with us.”

Little boy:     “Yes. I know.”

Big boy:         “She will change her mind.”

Little boy:     “I’m not sure about this.”

Big boy:         “Which movies do you choose?”

Little boy:     “I’m sure she won’t allow.”

Big boy:         “We’ll convince her.”

Little boy:     “You won’t succeed. I know her.”

Big boy:         “Come on. Don’t be so pessimistic.”

Little boy:     “Okay. You try to convince her.”

Big boy:         “Why always me?”

Little boy:     “You wanted to watch a film.”

Big boy:         “But you do like watching, too.”

Little boy:     “Sure. But it was your idea.”

Big boy:         “My brother: you’re such a kill-joy.”

Little boy:     “Thanks. And you’re so boring with your ideas.”

 

 

The world belongs to him

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When I was as old as my little boy, nine years old, I was a quiet, timid girl being very afraid of talking to other people than my family and blushing when I had to talk to the teacher during the classes.

I don’t know how I survived so many displeasing situations in the public because I was so shy having tears always quickly at hand, which made me more timid and I hated it so much.

How did I become so courageous to speak out in public and to write critiques for newspapers?

Little boy won’t have any problems. The world belongs to him.

Fortunately.

Some people get this capability for free; some people have to work for it hard as I had to.

I am happy for all the people who are like my little boy.

 
 

Jealousy

Sunny boy_www.esthersviewpoint.com

 
 
Little boy is a very sunny, caring and clever kid, and his self-confidence is big. I often tell him how great he is.

For example, during his violin lesson he is talking without fear telling his teacher why it has been difficult to rehearse, why it has been easy to play this way and why he is excited about this piece and what he would like to play and what he doesn’t like and so on and so on.

It isn’t easy to cope with a child like this. His violin teacher as well as one of his schoolteachers is very fond of him and his attitude. His second schoolteacher can’t cope with him.

Little boy told me once: “I’ve got the impression that Mrs. B. doesn’t like me. Do you think I am wrong?” Unfortunately, I had to confirm his presumption because as I know Mrs. B. I am convinced that in her childhood she couldn’t be the child she wanted to be and she didn’t get the necessary acknowledgement by her parents.

Seeing little boy with all his enthusiasm and positive radiation she must feel jealous of his entire positive attitude to life and people.

I feel sorry for my boy as well as for his teacher.

 

Motherly love

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It took me quite a while to realize what it means being a mom.

My own mother told me so many times that I’ll be remembering her when I’ll be having my own children. She used to say so when she was upset with me. And as I remember, she was it very often because I wasn’t the girl she wanted me to be.

I always translated her threat this way: Being a mom isn’t a very nice thing to be. It brings you a lot of frustration and worries, and children aren’t grateful for all the work you do for them. And I believed her because I saw her feeling disappointed by me so many times and because she never told me that having children opens your heart and your mind.

When I look at my two boys today, I realize what my mother didn’t feel.

I appreciate so much that the boys came into my life. I am proud of being their mom. My relationship with them is the most special one I ever had, and I finally feel the tie, which will always be between big and little boy and me: it is love.

 
 

Meeting the old lady

Olga Charova_www.esthersviewpoint.com

 

She is an 86-year-old lady: proud and brilliant. Her body is fragile, but her mind is rather strong. Before I met Olga Charova, she has been lying in bed for three months, being very sick and loosing a lot of weight.

I didn’t expect her to leave her home and to come to the restaurant to meet, but she wanted it this way. I expected her feeling very shaky. The woman who has been working all her life as a dentist in Sofia showed me something else.

She was smiling, telling jokes and describing how she wants to go back soon to the court arguing with the lawyers to get back her property. Her eyes began to shine, and I was looking in a beautiful face.

I am so glad we met. She told me what it means to be young even if your body tells you the opposite, and she showed me how you can be strong in your mind even if you feel weak in your bones.

 

Time stood still

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Normally, he is talking like a waterfall. But then, he was lying there.

The little surgical intervention with a general anesthesia went well.

I sat at his bed and waited until he woke up. I was looking at his chest, following his breathing.

I was looking at his face during hours, studying his little eye movements.

I’ve never looked at my child so intensively and for so long. It was a very special moment I’ll never forget.

I didn’t think much. I was just wishing he would have not too much pain after all and I kept looking at him.

For one hour, for two hours… and after three hours, he decided to leave his dreams and come back.

The waterfall took some time to come back but it is again here. And I am so glad.

 

Attraction

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Clouds are like humans or humans are like clouds. Some are attracting each other like in the picture and some try to stay away from each other.

Today, my younger boy and me met a doctor at the children hospital and felt both the same way very attracted to this young woman. She explained to my boy how they would be doing the anesthesia when he will be operated in two days.

She did this in a simple way, very empathetic, looking and talking to the kid as an adult. And my boy smiled and opened his mind and felt very at ease.

“What a friendly person”, we both said when we left her room.

It has been a very short meeting. But my boy won’t forget it. She even taught him how to listen to his own heart beating.

Attraction is a very mysterious thing. It just happens between humans, very subtly and unintentionally.